Dear Bibber,
Yesterday morning you were pissed at me because I wanted you to sit up with me in front of the car and you wouldn't. I guess you feel that you're already a big girl so you had to squeeze yourself in the back seat with four other people. I'm sorry I lost my temper at you then, and for all the other times in the past. Sometimes I forget that you are only 2 years old, going on 3. Your A-i thinks that you would know and understand certain things like bad mornings and late nights.
I worry sometimes that your mind is too grown up while your heart is still a baby. There are just some things I want you to learn, or at least some things that I wish I could teach you. Me and your mommy had a talk this morning about how to raise you to be a well-adjusted person. I came up with some things I wish I would be successful in teaching you.
Firstly, I want you to understand that the world is full of ambiguity. Children are often taught that there is a right and there is a wrong. They are either good girls or bad girls. Someone is either your friend or she is not. Well dear, throughout your life you will learn that nothing is this clear or this simple. Life is not clear nor simple. I want to be able to impart to you the sense that although the world is not just left-right, right-wrong, good-bad -- it's the world we live in and we will adjust. If a person were to remain a believer in clarity and order, she would be sorely disappointed and disillusioned. Dearest, there is no certainty in life. And if I could teach you that and help you form a coping mechanism for this, I would consider myself a successful Godmother and aunt.
As early as now I can see you've inherited our family's obsession with being in control. You're my little OC girl. You like things in a certain order. You want structure and you want it your way. It's more that just stubbornness because I can see the anxiety in your eyes when things are not arranged the way you like them to be. Oh I understand! It amuses me at the same time it saddens me. I worry about the future when you will encounter proof of my first point (see above). There's nothing wrong with wanting control. Absolutely nothing. I just wish that along with this desire, you develop flexibility as well. That when things don't go your way, you can shrug it off and persevere.
My dear girl, I don't want to pass my expectations of the world onto you. You will learn about it in your own time. Somehow, someway, I'll help you understand and nurture in you the capacity for realistic growth, growth in mind, body, heart, and spirit, that matches what is real out there. I was raised with a certain expectation that the world is fun, kind, friendly, and all mine. Love, I want you to face the world with a realistic attitude.
If other kids ignore you in the playground, it just means that they want to play with someone else and that's okay. If other kids do things different from how you are used to, it just means that they like different stuff and again, that's okay. You are a sweet, friendly, beautiful child and I love you. Your mommy and daddy love you. Grammy, Sa-i and Sa-i-tiu love you. Aku loves you too. Chamcham, shoti and shobe Ummer love you too. That's just how it works sometimes, not everybody can be a friend. And that's okay.
Little B ganun talaga ang buhay. Hindi lahat makukuha mo, pero yung mga paghihirapan mo, mas malamang na makukuha mo.
Life's just the way it is and baby sana maturuan kita na iappreciate ito para sa kung ano talaga ito. Mahirap, masaya, hindi fair, pero maganda parin dahil puro challenge at opportunity. Ganun lang talaga.
I promise next time I will remember all of these things I just said so that when you do something I do not like, I will understand that you are 2 going on 3, and not me.
